So a friend sends this link to me
https://twitter.com/celestocalculus/status/744655862187319297
and asked what my thoughts are on the questions and issues raised in there.
This is one of such topics that turns me on.
I was perceived as controversial the last time I wrote on how ladies largely contribute to men cheating. That article I titled "And The Ladies Will Say"
http://danielokezuespeaks.blogspot.com.ng/2014/01/and-ladies-will-say.html?m=1
Let me quickly jump on this one too.
So here are my thoughts on this so called dating thingy.
Guys sef set themselves up for trouble.
We have a funny idea of what a date should be like.
And na Hollywood and the likes dey cause am.
A date is supposed to enable the parties have time to talk, relate and find out stuff about each other.
People put all their focus a lot of time on the event and not the supposed primary purpose for it.
And I think guys should learn to be very creative with date ideas if they lack them.
Read 101 date ideas by michael webb if you have to.
Most of my best time outs with ladies have been the walks, pop ups and the likes that got us relaxed and nobody thinking of any bills or luxury
Find a way to talk and relate.
Don't get yourself so fixed up in the thought of things that are completely unnecessary and then leave out the key things you need to sought out.
And there are rules the world have set for dating that's just absolutely funny.
Everyone now shows up in a suite that's different from who they are in reality just by simply trying to model romance from hollywood.
A babe goes out with you for 5months and you are stuck in the hole of who should pay, that's just too stupid of you.
You have been taking her to chicken licking and you expect her not to lick chicken?
In fact, chicken licking would be the first thing that rushes to her mind when your call comes through.
So let's be frank here
What have you been doing or saying from the first date?
You never showed her that you have a purpose you run your life with,
Because if you did she would have stopped some of those dates for something more relaxing and comfortable as well as friendly to your pocket. Even though you didn't ask her to. Rather you've been busy showing the big boy in you.
Who big boy epp?
Ladies Listen;
Guys will always have a reason for which they ask(ed) a lady out. Whether consciously or not.
It's just so funny how peeps go on dates without a proper plan and a list of questions?
Haaaaaa That's risky
It just shows that you are not the point here, some other things can be the point for him and sex could be one of them.
First date, second...whatever dates.
All these nonsense that Hollywood has thought us about dating is killing a lot of people. (questions to and not to ask her on a first date)
Who cares? If it comes to your head please drop the question on him or her. Worst comes to worse you won't show up for the next date if you think I asked too many questions on the first. Are we playing here? Who's time should we be wasting.
Please ask questions
Focus should never be on who pays.
If you asked me for lunch, oga pay for it. Except she offered to assist. But if she doesn't then pay for it.
And now to the SEX Demand thingy!
1. If a guy takes you out for 5 months and doesn't give any direction as to where he is going and hence wants you to go with him, then run for your life. In fact don't even wait for 5 months to run. Life is too short for that except you are ready to become a prey.
2. If you go out on a date with a guy for 5 months consistently and never asked him where he is going, then you are foolish yourself and so You don't need to wait for him to ask for SEX before you give him
What's the point not giving in to sex?
After all you both have no directions so anywhere belle face is allowed.
If it faced TFC and you went, it faced chicken licking and you licked, then you should have sex too when it faces the bed.
It's phases of life you know.
Life is not that hard.
Money should never become the basis for a date neither should sex be an aftermath. Except you don't have any values you live your life with.
All of these things happen because peeps have no direction for their lives.
Both the guy and the girl.
Hollywood says kiss her at the door on the second date and ask her to your house for sex on the third. Rubbish!!!
And a lady will first wait for the kiss on the second date,
Then the kiss comes and you took it.
He invites you over and you think he would be singing lullaby for you in his house? Madam Banging is your case. In fact your bang should be louder than a disco club's music.
Why would you allow a guy control the total outcome of event(s) while you are with him? Chip in something reasonable. Ladieeeees Please be intelligent and confident. Intelligence and confidence are the new sexy.
Why would a lady even accept to go on a date without preparation? What's your plan? If you don't show him that you deserve to be respected then he doesn't have to.
You shouldn't go on a date without thoroughly planning out what you are going to do, say and how you will approach some critical questions in case he asked.
So I believe that any girl that accepts a date without a list of questions too is just not a serious person. What then are you heading there to do? Is it about the exotic restaurant, food or the person sitting before you? You need to decide that too.
It's ok if it's about the food or place for you(but don't talk trash about Isau the next time you hear a sermon on him selling his birth right)
Dating should be more about the person who brought you out there.
I don't care if it is first or last date,
Ask questions until there is no more to ask.
In fact when you have asked all the questions you know to ask, ask him this "what other questions should I ask you that I've not asked yet?"
It's because you didn't ask him any question but licked chicken, that he has time to think of sex and kiss at the door.
When the word date pops up, the first thing that comes to mind is food. That's very appalling and distasteful...
The quality of questions you ask would say a lot about the kind of person you are.
Nobody's time should be wasted. Time is a very precious substance.
Don't get carried away with all the gesture from a guy too. It could be a trap.
Believe it or not, guys will always have a plan before asking and taking you on a date. It could either be good plans for your future or a plan for the immediate pleasure derived from you.
If he has plans for your future then you are almost safe, but if otherwise then there are two things involved.
1. He wants to hit it off with sex asap
2. He wants to waste your time and use you to prove a point.
Truth is neither of these should you ever get trapped in because you didn't prepare.
And if you noticed that I said you are ALMOST SAFE if he shows that he has plans for a future with you.
Please don't go and let all your guards down because he communicated future plans and possibilities with you the first time. It could be a gimmick too. Be wise as a serpent and gentle as a dove. There should come to a point where his words commensurate with his actions on aa consistent basis.
You should present your future plans too so he knows you got some and then this should guide both of you to know if the future you both see can work together. Two cannot work together except they be in agreement.
Many ladies are on the tour bus they call a relationship. Just basically doing anywhere belle face,
If you have no purpose, one will be assigned to you.
If the answer to "so why did you come" when you turn up for a date is "cos you asked me to/cos I was curious/I didn't want to be rude/etc" then you should do any other thing asked of you for these same reasons. - Greg, 2016.
I'm sorry to say, but the havoc that Pizza and Ice Cream plus movie is causing in people's lives is unqualifiable
Each time the bulk falls on these tour-bus kinda ladies, each time they are expected to steer the relationship they suddenly aren't so smart any more.
They start to be suddenly 'submissive" and pull the "you decide, dear, you are the man/head"
Wash!
Madam, if you don't know why you are in that boat, where its headed and have no skill/desire/right to steer it, you might as well take what you get.
Some babes will read the story of Isau and talk trash about him. Where as, last weekend they sold their souls for the same thing - food.
But back on the topic, proper.
To be fair, what he said was to point out that a lady has no rights to be dined and wined ALWAYS just as equally as a guy has no right to ask for sex ANYTIME.
If he must pay you for your time, should you also pay him for his efforts?
Friends don't hold stuff over each other. They are a team.
And also, trying means a lot to a guy. Let him see you are not just a leech looking for a host to feed off.
Even if you can't afford to drop cash, point him to free/cheap stuff you both may enjoy together. Greg, 2016.
Ladies should learn how to evaluate every date as well. Instead of rushing off to tell your friends how it went, you should first sit and evaluate how quality and impacting it was for you. What did you learn?, what's new?
Something about the other person should open up to you in a different light. And this is not just to be ascertained by what he said on the date night, but how he said them and all the other facets that went into the convo.
You need to know! and so knowledge should drive your dates and not just the fun.
Don't just go and relax there eating chicken and licking ice cream, recreate and feed your mind too.
Get a life. Get a plan.
This is all I have to say for now.
With this few points of mine... Thank You.
Dan Okezue.
